we have officially lost it.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
