New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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