Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
