I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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