no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
