all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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