I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
