He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
