oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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