Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
