I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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