Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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