worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
