Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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