it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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