From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
