My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize