I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if only i could text you this smell
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
