1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
