All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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