I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
