Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
