I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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