I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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