well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
