My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
