# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
