We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
