Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
