It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
