Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
