i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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