how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
