So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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