You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
