im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
