how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
