Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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