Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
