I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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