3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
