Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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