Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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