Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
