how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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