she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
