So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
