Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
