He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
