accomplished twins. life is a go
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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