his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
