best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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