Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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