The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
