I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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