I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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