you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
