My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
