What a fucking waste of an outfit
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
