What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
