im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
