I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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