he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
