just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
