I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
