I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize