operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
