I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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