i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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