drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
