then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the day after is always just damage control
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
